Hibernation

Hello Fluffy Thought fans! I'm glad to be back. I realize it has been a while since I last posted any fluffy thoughts. November and December have traditionally been months when I mentally hibernate. Being in grad school requires me to shut down part of my brain and reserve my energy so that I can cope with the stress of finals. In case you were wondering, this semester I managed to cope better than past semesters. My eye only twitched for about a week and I only had to take sleeping pills for two weeks. Overall, I'd say it was a success, although I won't find out my grades until February.

Anyway, since I was intellectually dormant during the holiday season, I'd be negligent if I didn't pause to consider the true meaning of at least one of the holidays. Allow me to jump on the Happy Holidays v. Merry Christmas bandwagon.

Every good conservative Christian (Methodists, this doesn't include you) should proudly greet friends and strangers with a cheerful, "Happy Holidays." That's right, I recommend abandoning Merry Christmas for most encounters. Christmas is a wonderful and important holiday. It is steeped in tradition. It has its own songs, its own plays and musicals, its own decorations, its own foods, and even its own mythical beings (Santa, Rudolph, etc.). I think Christmas will hardly be forgotten if "Merry Christmas" is dropped for "Happy Holidays."

The most important reason to say Happy Holidays, however, is to remind people that there is more than just Christmas to celebrate. In fact, probably the third most important holiday comes right after Christmas, yet only a handful of people celebrate it. To which holiday do I refer? Not Hanukkah, not Kwanzaa. It occurs every year on January 1st. No, not New Years day. Who cares about New Years day?

The holiday that deserves great reverence yet goes practically unnoticed is The Feast of the Holy Prepuce. That's right. I'll type it again: The Feast of the Holy Prepuce. The Feast of the Holy Prepuce is a Christian holiday that occurs every year on January 1st. The feast celebrates the flesh of Jesus that remains on earth. What flesh of Jesus could remain on earth you ask? Well, if you are under 13 years old I ask you to stop reading and go IM some of your friends now. Thanks.

Well, if Jesus was Jewish then when he was eight days old he would have been taken to what we would now call Rabbis. They would have removed some of Jesus' skin in a Biblical ceremony called circumcision. That skin is called the prepuce. The Feast of the Holy Prepuce has been celebrated by Christians for centuries. For hundreds of years followers of Christ have recognized that the flesh of Christ remaining on earth is significant. Unfortunately, the Holy Prepuce went missing in 1983, so you can't make any pilgrimages to it. It's also unfortunate because it might have contained some viable DNA that could have been used to clone another Jesus. That's a subject for another time.

This neglected holiday deserves some recognition. I think Christians should start a Prepuce Eve service on December 31st where we sings songs to the Holy Prepuce and have a reenactment. The costumes from the nativity scene could be reused. Actually it'd be similar to the nativity reenactment except there would be no shepherd or animals and somebody would need to play the Rabbi and hold a plastic knife. Christian bookstores could sell additional figurines for nativity sets. They could issue a Rabbi with a little knife in one hand. I don't think it'd be a good idea to make a ceramic prepuce since it'd be so small it'd probably get lost...except for those life size nativities.

Instead of exchanging gifts, the head of the household could roast a turkey. As he or she carved the turkey he or she could explain to the children that just as the turkey is flesh and can be carved, so Jesus was/is flesh and was circumcised. Often times children think of Jesus as more God than human, and I think adding this ritual would help bring home the fact that Jesus was fully man as well as fully God. Each family would of course start their own Holy Prepuce traditions.

Anyway, next holiday season when you go to church, start telling people "happy holidays." When you see that shocked and offended look on their face, tell them the story of baby Jesus, just eight days old, and how we should be celebrating his prepuce. You might even invite them over for your turkey carving.